Struggling is NOT failing.
Hello dear readers!
A couple of days ago… well a couple of weeks by the time this posts, I made a post on Instagram about how struggling is not failing.
I’m in a really tough spot at work right now. I’ve mentioned a few times before that I work in healthcare. Not only that but I work in public service. So we’re beholden to all kinds of issues that private corporations could handle completely differently. (Not to say they always do better, but they can often do things much more quickly.) ANYWAY. I’m not here to delve into all the nitty gritty details about that right now, nor is it appropriate to do so. The point is I’m burned out to the max. Compassion fatigue, secondary trauma, burn out, I have all of it in spades.
I am working with a coach and a counselor, I’m getting acupuncture, I work out a few days a week, I make sure to take lunchtime walks and spend time outside in the sun, and I’m making sure to eat good whole foods. Am I perfect? No. But I am doing darn near everything in my power to take care of myself to the very best of my ability to combat all the symptoms of work-related stress. YES. And guys, it’s not enough.
There are so many days I come home from work completely empty. I cry in the car on the way home. I dread getting up in the morning. I have absolutely no energy to do anything except try to take care of myself and make it through the next day. I am S T R U G G L I N G. I feel like I’m barely holding it together most days. I read somewhere that someone refers to this as “eggshell fine”. You’re ok for the most part, but it would take only the smallest thing to make you crack. That’s a pretty apt description of how it’s been lately.
I can hear you right now, “Then why don’t you quit? Just get a new job?” Well, I did get a new job! Due to budgetary reasons, there has been a notable delay in my ability to transition into my new role. So I’m kind of in limbo right now.
I came home from work the other day, and I was standing in the kitchen sobbing, and my dear sweet husband came in and gave me a hug. I asked him if I was failing. Because right now, it honestly feels like I am. All the goals I set three and four months ago in January and December… I’ve made almost ZERO progress towards any of them. I’m so depleted, I can’t make myself write, I can hardly make myself do anything that brings me joy, much less anything that is actually productive. It feels like I’m failing so hard at just being able to be an adult, work a job, have a decent work-life balance, and enjoy my life in the evenings and weekends. I feel like I’m failing my readers by not being able to make any progress on the next story for them. I’m failing myself for not being able to do better at managing the emotional carnage that is my work situation right now. (Now, are these things true? No. But it doesn’t make them feel any less intense and miserable in the moment.)
He said to me “No. You’re not failing, because you’re still struggling, and that means you’re fighting. Struggling means you haven’t given up yet. And if you haven’t given up then you haven’t failed.”
So I wanted to pass his sage words of wisdom on to you guys. Because he’s right. If you are struggling it does NOT MEAN YOU ARE A FAILURE. If you are struggling it means you haven’t given up, you haven’t thrown in the towel and called it quits. You’re still fighting, for yourself or for your family or for your dreams… whatever it is you’re struggling and fighting for, you haven’t failed. Sometimes you just need to know there’s an end in sight. Sometimes you just need to know that someone is rooting for you.
I’m here to tell you, there is an end in sight. (And NO, that light at the end of the tunnel is NOT a train speeding towards you.) I’m here to tell you that I am rooting for you! Even if you feel like no one else gets you, I’m cheering you on. The rain can’t last forever. This season of hardship will come to an end. And you will be so much wiser and stronger for having made it through, and you will be so glad that you did not give up. Struggling does not always feel like progress. But it doesn’t mean you’re failing.
Now, don’t misunderstand. I absolutely do not advocate staying in a toxic work environment that is destroying you mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and/or physically. Do not do that! You are worth so much more than just fodder for the corporate meat grinder! In my case, I had a specific target date I wanted to reach for a specific reason. My agreement with myself was that I would either get a new role by then and if I didn’t, then I would leave my current employer and find a new one. So I knew I would have to struggle through until then. Some things in life we can change immediately, and some we just have to struggle through. Whatever your current struggle is, know that you are stronger and you can make it to the other side.
Till next time dear readers, know that you’re way tougher than you think you are. But even in the midst of everything, be sure to be kind and gentle to yourself too. Even the greatest of warriors need to recover. I’m giving you permission to give yourself a little extra TLC. Wishing you all the very best. <3 Tiff
