Getting back on the horse
Hello Dear Readers!
I want to take some time today to discuss how important it is to get back on the (proverbial) horse.
If you’ve been around for a while you know that a few months ago I had a change of job. I was drowning in my last job and my depression was drowning me. I knew it was bad, but I didn’t realize how bad it was until now I’ve been out of it for a while and I’m feeling much more happy, energetic, optimistic, hopeful… essentially my normal self.
I’m sure each and every one of you readers out there has experienced some kind of incredibly stressful life event. (Random nerd moment here… here is a list of some of the most stressful experiences one can experience, you can calculate your risk for severe illness based on how many of these events you’ve experienced in the last year. *MANDATORY DISCLAIMER, I am not a doctor, this is not medical advice.)
But I digress. The point I am trying to make is that sometimes life throws a wrench in your bike spokes and you crash hard. But this article is not about that. This article is about what happens when you get back up, pull the wrench out of your spokes, get back on the bike and keep going. (I use bike instead of horse, because no horses will be harmed in the making of this metaphor.)
Getting up is hard.
Starting again is hard. And not always for the reasons you think.
I’ll give you some personal examples. When I was waaaay deep down in the muck that is severe depression, it was all I could do to get up and make it work. I wasn’t going to the gym, I wasn’t engaging in any of my hobbies, I wasn’t writing. Now, I am writing again, I’m back in the gym, and I’ve started working on incorporating more of my hobbies and play time into my schedule. You can’t pour from an empty cup, so make sure you take time to do things just for the sake of enjoying them.
At first, it was glorious. I was so happy to be back in the gym, working hard, feeling sore but good. But then we came across a workout that I really struggled with. I had to do a lot of modifications. I really, genuinely enjoy working hard in the gym and building physical skills. I go to a gym that utilizes many Cr0ssF*t style movements such as Toes to Bar. Also pull ups. Also handstand push ups. These are movements I usually enjoy. But they require some practice. And usually some callouses. At the moment I don’t have any callouses, and my muscles and connective tissue aren’t strong or conditioned right now. So I was not able to perform these movements in the way that I was able to previously. Man, I was frustrated. I was downright pissed, in fact, that I had to modify those movements heavily to complete the workout. (To be clear, there is absolutely nothing wrong with modifying movements in a workout, I was just being stubborn and prideful and I did not want to, which did nothing except rob me of enjoyment of having a good workout.)
I say this not to invoke any sense of pity, but to let you know that I’m human and I struggle with these kinds of emotions too. All of us do. I think this is one of those weird pitfalls that I don’t see people talk about very often. Sometimes feeling like the gap between where you are now and the gap of where you were—what you know you’re capable of but cannot currently do—feels so insurmountable, so hopeless, it can drag you right back down into despair.
DON’T LISTEN TO THAT VOICE! The voice that tells you to give up, or to quit, it’s a lying liar who lies. You can do the thing. Do not give up. It’s might take a bit of time, and some elbow grease, but you are strong and you have greatness within you.
I know it’s tough. I know it’s discouraging in one of the weirdest, hardest ways to navigate. But you can do it. Even if the horse bucks you off, you gotta get back up, get back on the horse, and keep riding. If I had let my frustration get the better of me and quit, then I would only be hurting myself. I know my body. I feel good mentally and physically when I work out. If I don’t keep at it, and keep working to get strong and healthy again, I’m doing myself no favors at all. If you’re going through a similar personal struggle, keep pushing. The pros of doing the thing outweigh the cons of feeling shitty about not being able to do it to the degree you want. No matter how frustrated you are because you feel like you’re not where you can be in terms of ability or progress, it only hurts you if you give up. And it robs the world of the gifts that only you could be sharing.
Till next time dear reader, take some time to take care of yourself. Next week we’ll talk a bit more about that negative voice in your head, but until then, know that I believe in you and you can do the thing. You’re amazing and wonderful and I’m so glad you’re here reading this. You’re stronger than you think and you can keep going. Sending you love and warmth. <3 Tiff
